SEEKING ME..

SEEKING ME

I woke up at 3 am in the morning that day, packed my things and escaped from my house. I could wish more for my parents to be more understanding. But, nothing much I could do at that point of time. The Jasin terminal was not far from my house. I got there within 15 minutes and I’ll never forget handsome Raam who offered me with a bike ride.

I got into the grand looking SKS bus carrying a big hope that from that day onwards my life is going to be different and freedom was all mine. In few hours I reached Kuala Lumpur Bus Station. My heart was beating fast looking at the night view of the skyscraper buildings. I had no clue of the city’s rush hours. It was all so calm and peaceful.

Kak Sofia promised to fetch me at the bus station and could not find here anywhere in the bus station. I only had few ringgits left in my mobile phone. Cautiously, I rang her. Once, twice, and few more time she did not answer the call. It was very cold as it was late night. I looked too lean to be standing alone at the heart of a city especially one like KL which the capital of Malaysia. For a young runaway like high-rise buildings, this homeless people, and me sleeping on streets and drunken people walking by me made me feel terrified.

However, the last hope I had over this city kept me strong. Around 6.30 a.m. I heard my mobile phone ringing. “Thank God”, I told myself. It was Kak Sofia. Out of joy I loudly said “kak I reached KL.. Where have you been?.” She told me she would be there in few minutes.

Finally, Kak Sofia arrived. I happily grabbed my bags and started to walk behind her. She was apologizing for not coming on time. It didn’t matter to me at all; I just wanted be back in my new home. Kuala Lumpur city is going to be a new chapter in my life. I told myself that I’m not even going to miss my parents anymore.

We started walking into a back road isle of a shop lot. I was feeling little uncomfortable as there were few men standing along the corner of the road and staring at me inappropriately.  I ran beside Kak Sofia and pulled her hand, “Kak aren’t we going to our home? This place does not seem friendly..” I said. Kak Sofia replied, “Dik, don’t worry and be quite. You’ll be fine”. I was not really sure on how to react to that situation but I trust Kak Sofia. I had known her ever since my childhood time in my Kampung (village).  To me she is my idol and she never was afraid to face challenges in life. She was a run away from our kampong too. Thinking all these in mind I kept walking.

She stopped at shop lot motel. The motel looked hunted and had these weird dim red lights at the entrance. Kak Sofia turned at me and said, “Yusof.. Things here are much different. You need to be very independent. As cost of living is very high in KL city you’ll be needing to work at nights and this will be our home.” She led the way into the building. The building was full of cigarette smoke and had a very unpleasant smell. There were individual small rooms divided by partitions.

I also heard unusual sounds from those rooms. Moving into the building I saw some random man coming out of these rooms and one of Kak Sofia’s friend walked out of the room. She was looking all sweaty and she was wearing a revealing costume and net pantyhose. “OMG!” I told myself. Kak Sofia immediately smiled at her and said, “Hi! How were the guys? Are you handling two at a time? That should have been a good cash in for u..” The friend smiled and asked me, “So, is this our new recruit?  Hey, hello! What is your name? Have you got a name for yourself?” I was totally shocked and panicked. My mind was so confused. “My name is Yusof.. I mean.. Now my name is YU..” I answered softly. She smiled and told Kak Sofia, “You have a lot of work with YU..”. She walked away. Kak Sofia grabbed my hand and dragged me into a room.

I wish it could have been a dream. The room had a very dim light and a single bed at the corner of the room. The mattress looked stained and worn out with no bed sheet on it. Kak Sofia said, “Yu.. Please make yourself comfortable. I had a long working night. I need a shower.” Even before she finished her line she got into the bathroom. I was still looking around the room. There was a dressing table in the other corner of the room. There were several wigs with multiple hairstyles and more fancy appealing lingerie was hanging on a clothes string across the room. Definitely this did not make me feel good about anything.

My palm started to sweat as I was in fear. Thus, I grabbed the tissue roll from the edge of the bed frame and crunched it with my hands. Later, I looked for a bin to throw the used tissue. There I found used condoms inside the bins. I was terrified. My entire body started to shiver.

Kak Sofia came out of the shower; she smiled looking at me. Then she said, “YU.. I felt the same way as you when I came here. At least be glad that you have me now. We are souls trapped into irrelevant body.. But, YU.. The hunger is the same. ” She continued towel drying her hair. “But, Kak Sofia I don’t want to do this.. You know I want to be an architect ”, I replied. “People like us will never make there. Our destiny is on the hands of the society” said Kak Sofia.

She continued, “For you to stay in a city like KL, u need a lot of money.. Where would you find money to pay your food and fees? Don’t forget even our parents thought we are disgrace to the family.. what makes you think that the society would accept you?.” Tears was running down my cheek, “But, Kak I have my dignity, I have a heart in me.. This.. Whatever u asking me to do would eat my soul..” I said. She smiled and hugged me. “Please sleep YU.. We are the aliens of this society.. You will understand it gradually..” she said while holding my head tight.

Tonight was my first day in business after escaping from the reality for a week. It’s 6 a.m. in the morning. I have a room on my own. I am bleeding and I could not take a step in order to walk. I made money to survive but my dreams were buried. Kak Sofia said I’ll all right and she gave me couple of pain killer pills to eat. I’m asking myself I’m 17 and I’m a runaway from house. I left my parents because they didn’t accept the gender of my soul. Now, I truly wish I could blame someone for what has happened to me.

But, how could that help me in achieving my dream that is to only live a normal life with some pride. With all that said, my journey continues…